Loss, Gain and Traveling Alone
Buckle up kids, this one is going to get heavy…
Loss.
This year has been one of the most trying years of my life. I’ve lost a grandfather, a relationship, and what I thought was a dream job. What once were happy dreams became anxiety ridden days. I became a person I didn’t know in the process. What was normal for some was torture for me. I was left to deal with that anxiety alone. I felt new feelings I have never known before. I felt like the person I wanted to love and trust the most pushed me off a cliff. I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe it takes a little more for me to be content. Maybe I need to make my own comfort more of a priority, to stop giving so much of myself to people who don’t deserve it. I’ve been told I hold things in so this is my way of getting it out of my head.
Gain.
I have gained a few things in this process. I’ve gained knowledge. I know now it’s ok not to fit in. Not every environment will be hospitable but there are plenty that will be. I know now that my happiness won’t just come along, it takes work and prioritization. I know now that sometimes people won’t value you as much as you do them and that will have to be alright. Alright is what I’ll be. This life is a constant learning process and for now I’ll continue this adventure on my own two feet. They haven’t let me down yet.
The other day I read an article about what it takes for an introvert to be happy. While I hate the label “introvert” it was so incredibly spot on. It sparked what was, for lack of a better term, an “epiphany” in me. These were all the things I have been missing. There were many things that held true, such as time to decompress after the work day. Yep, need that. Meaningful conversation void of small talk? Check. Anyway, the point is, I read that article and decided to take what I can and make it happen. Will I be able to achieve all those things listed? No, but I’ve already implemented a few and let me tell you…it helps. Doing those small things everyday make me feel less scattered, less of an emotional time bomb. I’ve chosen a life that is uncomfortable most of the time. Constant change and adaptation wears on you after awhile, but doing some of these things allows me to take back some of that comfort. I want others to know it’s ok to want the adventure and time alone. It’s absolutely possible.
I’ve travelled a few places solo. This can be an introverts nightmare. Eating alone? Please god don’t make me. Navigating a city map that looks like a jigsaw puzzle? Oh wonderful, I’m lost for the 37th time today. That being said, traveling alone forces you to figure it the f*&% out. I know I’m not a huge fan of eating dinner at a table alone, so I’ll eat at the bar and if I feel like it, talk to the person next to me. Some of the best interactions I’ve had have come from this. Probably the best meal I've ever had and the first Michelin starred meal I've eaten was alone. I sat at the table and geeked out on 9 of the most beautiful courses I've ever seen. I wasn't psyched to sit at a table alone, the bar was full, but it ended up being 2 hours of pure elation. It allowed me to dive in to the meal and appreciate every single detail without distraction. The restaurant was Hoja Santa in Barcelona, I love you Hoja Santa, I'll be back for you! My point is, there are ways to use your introversion to your advantage. It’s scary and awkward at first but you do get used to it and it’s ok if you try once and go running back to your hotel. At least you made an effort. My resolution is to do exactly that, make more of an effort. You never know, maybe the person next to you is a fellow weird little introvert dying to talk to you.
xx
J
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Link to article on introverts
https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-happy-need/
Ted talk on "Big Talk"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDbxqM4Oy1Y&feature=youtu.be
